Are you 'taking a break'?
Many girls that I've talked to; or heard their stories, have told me they've all gone through what we've come to know as the 'Predeployment Speech." It includes various reasons when the soldier gets stressed before deployment, and one of the things he starts to worry about is whether or not you're going to cheat on him, or break up with him while he's gone. He may tell you "You deserve better than this" to, "I want to come home safe, and I want my unit to come home safe, without the stresses of having a relationship while overseas" to "You'll get bored eventually of waiting for me, and start dating some other guy [in the military world that other guy is known as a 'Jody'] or I'll get a 'Dear John' [Which is a breakup letter]" And their are various other comments that will come out of their mouths. Many guys get over it after this talk, but other girls aren't so lucky, and when their beloved one deploys, to their guy they are 'just friends.'
I got that speech to. More than once. It started about 3 weeks before he left...[talking about those various reasons] But we got through it. A guy in his unit pointed out that if I was the girl that gave him the 'warm fuzzy feeling' then I was who was going to keep Travis alive; not kill him. But Then Travis left to another base in the states on January 2nd [2008] Everything was going good...but I still got the 'predeployment speech' every now and then. But on Feb. 8th [of 08] was the last time I received it. But this time was different. We are now 'taking a break' and we're 'just friends.' But this time it was a mutual thing. Since I have been receiving his point of view on it for the past couple of months, I've had time to think about it. I didn't burst out in tears when he first started it again like the first few times he talked to me about it...I now understood what he meant. And I wanted him to come home safe. And if he thought that our relationship was going to distract him, then I would wait for him to come home to start it up again- and see how much has changed. [Side note- he'll be leaving for overseas within the first week of march, and he's due to come home in Dec. of 08]
So- it just happened- you are now 'taking a break' with your loved one. A million things are probably running through your mind. First, before I share my points of view on it, I'd like to let everyone know this is just what happened in my case- and how I'm handleing it. This page is not some sacred guide that you should live by. Everybody's relationships are different, everybody is unique- So I can't speak for your's. If you have any questions about my relationship; feel free to ask via email on my contact page. But I can't promise I'll answer all questions[depends how personal you get with the question]- but I'll answer them if they'll help you.
A million things are probably running through your head. Questions, Comments, You've probably got tears- and 100 rebutals as to why you should still be in that relationship. I'll go through in the next few paragraphs and answer things that ran through my head.
1) How many letters/emails care packages should I write to him now? I personally am planning on still sending as many as I would send if we're together- He's still my best friend. He needs more support than ever now- He's getting thrown into a foreign country, where he'll learn a whole new way to eat/sleep/a new schedule...There's a possibility of land mines everywhere, and fighting going on..He'll be away from friends, family, and he'll even miss the little things, such as foods, homecooked meals, and even being able to walk in civilian clothes...Everything has changed for him. And I'm planning on supporting him 110% still, regardless of if I can call him my boyfriend or not.
2) What should I start to end my letters as? We're just friends now- is [something along the lines of ] 'I love you' still ok? Chances are- probably not. He wants to be just friends. How many 'friends' do you know that still say "I love you" to each other after they've broken up? I don't personally known many. But I also believe that it's your own personal decision. If you decide to keep on doing so- then so be it. He still needs to be told that someone loves him..So figure it out between you and him- but if you continue to do so- make sure he won't cringe everytime he sees it- That it won't make him uncomfortable.
3) I have his class ring- should I mail it to him? Give it to one of his parents? Only he can decide what you should do with it. He will probably want you to keep it- but it's up to him. That's a question you'll have to ask him directly. For me; he told me I have 2 options, I can keep it, or I can give it to his mom to hold onto - Then he joked around and told me not to pawn it off. I personally chose to keep it- and still plan on wearing it around my neck on a chain and not taking it off. [correction- I've taken it off for my competitons, but when I have to, I wear it on my finger- I have no problem with it being to big- it's actually about 1/2 size to small- lol]
4) Be his friend. He needs it more than ever right now. Be there for him; no matter how hard you 'need' to be something more. I've talked about this with a friend; and chances are, if you 'need' to say 'i have a boyfriend' chances are, you aren't cut out to be a military girlfriend. Deal with it- some people are, others- not so much.